Unmasking my Resume

Today I applied for a volunteer position that interests me - no pay involved, just a chance to use my analytical abilities and make a difference to people's lives.

What's more, I wrote a new resume, hardly something I expected to need in the year before I reach pension age, but something I was asked to do when I applied for the position.

For the first time in my life, I felt free to write a resume that was the truthful story of my life:
* No masking of my Autism or political ideals
* No repackaging of my traits or experiences  into something an employer is looking for
* No dumbing down my interests or intellect to make me look non-threatening to a future boss

Of course, most people tweak their resume to fit the position they apply for, but Autistic job seekers are forced to present a completely manufactured version of ourselves, not just in resumes and interviews, but all day every day at work, once we get the job. In a workplace, I am like a dolphin in a bath-tub. I am expected to pull in my sonar-like far reaching thoughts and fling myself into rapid fire chitchat ping pong on a very regular basis, lighting up instead of hanging back the instant I set eyes on someone new, and projecting myself as far as I can into their shiny, shallow world.

Because I do a lot of committee meetings, I am well accustomed to the structured conversations of interviews and often manage to pull it off and land the job. But once hired, I can't keep up the pace around the lunch table or at workplace socials. I can't easily locate things geographically around the workplace or gain a sense of who's who and where everyone fits in without being directly told.

The last time I was in a 9 to 5 job, I knew very little about Autism and so I was unable to account for my social, sensory, philosophical or intellectual differences. I was soon picked off as someone too weird, who didn't fit the mould. When I asked for written instructions, I was seen as critical of the boss' usual ways, or looking for excuses to dodge the work. When I was good at something that others found hard, I was accused of "loving myself", but when I had difficulty in a task that others found easy, they saw this as an opportunity to take it out on me for "loving myself". People higher up the career ladder felt threatened by my intellect and began undermining me in insidious ways - delaying my stationary orders, dobbing me in for trivialities, bullying me for mistakes that were somebody else's fault.

They would soon find excuses to sack me or not renew my contract. I would be called into an office and get told I wasn't being one of the girls or part of the team, and get sacked by someone who I had never even realised was my boss, because the social and career hierarchies of the place made no inherent sense to me - I was always self motivated in putting in my best effort and didn't need a boss, so I couldn't understand their presence or their roles. 

BC (Before Children) I was a shift worker in public transport. The irregular hours and outdoor environment kept me away from such inward-looking networks and conformism, and I survived there for many years. The job also allowed me to explore trade unionism and community campaigns, but the work lacked intellectual stimulation. With the arrival of my children, I needed work that fit in with childcare arrangements and I felt it was time to use my educational qualifications. Hence my move into white collar work where my repeated collisions with conformist chitchat circles and grubby workplace politics began.

My kids eventually dubbed me "the Queen of Being Sacked". By then I was a sole parent and luckily my children didn't understand the horror of suddenly losing employment while I was struggling to re-establish our lives. The more I tried to succeed at work, the more people noticed my unusual zeal and intellect and the more they bullied me, which upped my anxieties and made it even harder for me to establish myself socially at work, which led to more sackings. 

After several such experiences, I was done. I began advertising my services privately and working as a sole trader. From a union and income point of view, this was far from ideal, but I gained the security of knowing I had many clients to draw an income from, regardless of how any individual perceived me, and I was being valued for my hard work and abilities. I have been self employed now for twelve years and could never return to a traditional workplace. If only I'd understood Autism earlier, I would have done this years ago!

After many years, I was able to pay off my house. In the lead up to getting an aged pension, I have been able to slow down my work commitments and take on some volunteering. My age and circumstances have made it easier to assert myself as an individual in seeking this volunteer position. 

While white neurotypical men are often able to relax and be themselves, for me, writing an honest and open resume has been a whole new experience. It is sublimely blissful to see an honest account of myself in writing and send it off as a proud representation of what I have to offer. I have brought into full view the awkward bits, the things that people often disapprove of, especially in a woman, the attributes which for years invited bullying and disapproval, such as my "dry" and "serious" political interests, my "unfeminine" committee leadership, my "puzzling" Autism, my spooky maths, abstruse CALD Autism research work, intellectual blogs and my "weird" vegetable gardening. 

Bringing these attributes and experiences all together has made me feel whole and proud. Things like being a guest speaker at Reframing Autism, acknowledging my parenting as unpaid work, recruiting Middle Eastern family members of Autistics to a research advisory board, teaching maths to home schooled students, convening disability subcommittees and then there's this statement which brings it altogether:

·     "We are a proudly neurodivergent, single mother, multicultural household of academic high achievers, with a fully-owned if somewhat messy home, an awesome vegetable garden, lots of composting and recycling bins and a strong social conscience"

What is there not to like about a messy, neurodivergent, high achieving, multicultural single mother with a strong social conscience? Whoever doesn't want me to be myself just doesn't deserve me. No longer the Queen of Being Sacked, I am now the Queen of Fighting Back. I can make ends meet without bosses and 9 to 5 routines, I can be myself and what is more - 

I do love myself and the people who matter love me too.