Call me "she", not "they"

 

by Helen Said, Autistic advocate, Melbourne Australia

Non-binary people have a right to change their own pronouns, but not mine. I want to continue to be called by my gender specific pronouns, which are she/her.

I have faced various struggles and inequities as a woman, and I want my life work and life history to be acknowledged in the way that people speak about me and address me. In particular, I have triumphed and fought back, to achieve greater equality and respect for myself as a woman, and for others. This life history is being minimised and erased when people refer to me by gender neutral pronouns - it's as if we have all lived on a level playing field and gender hasn't entered into our identities or life chances. This is far from the truth.

I have struggled to bring up children alone for many years; custodial mothers are much more common than custodial fathers. I have taken time out of the workforce with young children, including taking a child to early intervention, which was almost exclusively a mother's domain, and thus lost many years of work experience and superannuation earnings, again, a very typical disadvantage facing women. Despite these disadvantages, I have educated my children, paid off my house and I am now a family matriarch. My identity as a family matriarch is not for sale; I am a matriarch and not parent-person. I birthed my children and I am still there for all my family members.

I have spent so much of my life breaking glass ceilings that I now have a very hard head and don't know any other way. I was one of very few girls to succeed in the maths-science stream at school and at uni. This was in the days when maths was considered unfeminine. I have also driven trams and been involved in politics. My daughter and I had very late Autism diagnoses because we are women. I have stared down honour-killing threats and refused to submit to feminine dress expectations. 

As someone who has struggled because of my gender, I respect the gender struggles of trans people. Let's make respect a two-way street. I'll use your pronouns if you use mine - my pronouns are she/her.

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